I have declared War on Mouse.

I thought I'd taken care of him way back when, but he seems to have willed my attic to his progeny. Hence, "Mouse," the collective singular, representing all things furry, small, and unwelcome at Rittenhouse.

He returned a couple of weeks ago. I heard scratching at midnight, then I forgot by morning to set out traps. My reward, upon entering a closet and pulling the light cord: a shower of mouse pellets in my hair.

Yes. He had nested above a light fixture and made the electrical box his sewer.

I burned rubber to Big Box Home Improvement (Orange) to find only those new beige plastic traps that look safe enough to double as toys. Bah. I wanted the wood-and-wire internal-decapitation machines, the kind that always backfire on cartoon characters. None in stock. I bought the cheesy ones anyway, then discovered a twin-pack of knucklebreakers in the garage.

Two days later, Mouse had made off with all my bait (bits of jerky-style dog treats, FYI) and left the traps unsprung. I baited him again. He cleaned me out once more. Back to Big Box for glue boards, which I've never used, mainly because they don't satisfy my need for a quick kill. Hence, the minefield above.

At first, I succeeded only in bagging Squeeky, who upon venturing into the attic set off three of the traps and stuck her shoe in the glue.

Finally, this morning, I found Mouse.

He looked sad, with a trap stuck to his nose and his hindquarters mired in stickum. He'd apparently set off the device, then thrashed around until he hit the glue. A pile of poo suggested he'd been there for hours, or at least panicked. I almost felt sorry for him, then remembered how he'd kept me awake in the wee hours.

Wait a minute. Last night's scratchfest had taken place between 4 and 5 a.m. This commotion must have occurred long before.

Mouse has a family.

I reset all the traps (except the one that went to his grave with him) and put out fresh goo. There's a chance Mouse's offspring will seek revenge.

If this doesn't work, I break out the fox urine.

Posted by: Michael Rittenhouse at 07:50 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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