Where: Metro Orange Line, Washington, D.C.
When: 5:40 p.m., July 8, 1988

You: Slim, straight-haired brunette holding a binder. Your right hand has only one finger and a thumb.

Me: I thought you were pretty hot-looking for a girl with only seven fingers. 

— ¤ — ¤ — ¤ —

Where: Club Soda, Washington, D.C.
When: May 14, 1988

You: Gave my buddy a prison-yard stare as your friends dragged you backward out the door. Your girlfriend stayed behind to warn us, "He will kill you."

Me: All the rest of the night my friend kept telling me what a moron you were. Which means you scared the crap out of him. 

— ¤ — ¤ — ¤ —

Where: Westbound U.S. 183 near Valley View Lane, Irving, Texas
When: June 17, 1996

You: Ran up behind me in the fast lane pretty quick. I must have been daydreaming, because I didn't notice until your pickup filled my rear-view, and I'm usually conscientious about yielding to faster traffic. Anyway, instead of just passing me on the right (which is illegal, I know), you kept riding my bumper—which is also illegal, and even more asinine. So I touched my brakes to encourage better manners before I changed lanes. But you wouldn't ease up. Then you swung completely around me and, to cap it all off, deliberately cut me off and stood on your brakes. I nearly lost control trying to dodge you.

Me: Dude, what? It's just a lane. 

— ¤ — ¤ — ¤ —

Where: Inaugural Ball for Young Americans
When: January 20, 1989

You: The sweetest-looking girl I'd ever seen up to that point, you kept holding eye contact with me and smiling from about 15 feet away, all the while ignoring your date.

Me: Confused. If you thought I looked good in the too-short tuxedo I bought used from a Mexican dry cleaner's, I probably should have proposed to you on the spot. 

— ¤ — ¤ — ¤ —

Where: University of Texas at Austin, east mall
When: April 9, 1985

You: A cheerleader from my old junior high, you were one year older and so pretty that most of the guys were afraid to speak your name. At college that day, you were walking opposite me toward the shuttles.

Me: Saw a flash of recognition as we passed. Also noticed the effects of late-adolescent acne on your face and thought, Man, even I might have a shot at you now. 

— ¤ — ¤ — ¤ —

Where: Northbound I-95, Baltimore, Md.
When: March 5, 1989

You: Cute girl in the car behind me in the tollbooth line. On a whim, I paid your toll. You looked at me as I pulled away, then kept at least 500 yards between us for the next hour.

Me: Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. Can we start over?

— ¤ — ¤ — ¤ —

Where: Cactus Cafe, Austin, Texas
When: Election Night, 1984

You: Showed up to counter the abundance of College Republicans who turned out to watch the returns at a campus bar, one of several locations spot-covered by NBC that night. When the camera turned your way, you held up a hand-lettered sign reading too bad hinkley missed. You couldn't hear my angry shouting over the din.

Me: You misspelled "Hinckley."

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